judgments...

Sometimes I feel like now that I'm a "special needs" mom that I can't always be real.  I heard a mom's story (In a book I read I think?) she told about her perception before having her child on being a mom of a child with special needs. She talked about seeing a Mom pushing her Down syndrome daughter in the shopping cart and she looked so tired, and unhappy and she just assumed it was caused from that Down syndrome child.  I related to it because I feel like people are sometimes watching me like that.  Now don't say people aren't, because you don't, but this actually happens. There are judgmental people out there.

I don't usually worry about what people think of me.  I do worry now though if I ever seem tired or sad, will people I don't know just assume it's from Leighton? I don't want that because that's so unfair to her. Usually it's my other kids (honestly my very busy son) that is wearing me out, and if I'm crying it's because I have PMS and I'm overly sensitive not because Leighton is so very hard.

She has actually been my easiest happy child, but ya she's still a child. She still climbs up the stairs when my back is turned, she pops things she shouldn't in her mouth, she pulls her sisters hair, and bit me one time after I made her do swimming lessons.

I think we feel like we can't always show were sad or unhappy or people will be like....Yep being a mom to a special needs kids is horrible.  It always has to be happiness or perfection because we always have to fight societies stereotypes that are placed on our kids.

So if you see a mom out there flustered pushing her Ds baby in a shopping cart don't make the assumption it's caused from that baby.  Actually that baby might be the child who can smile when her Moms sad or mad at something else and turn her day back around.  That's just what Leighton does for me. I am actually a lot happier now I have her, probably because she helps me let my frustration go a lot faster (I am a grudge holder).  I can be fuming at my son for say... getting caught throwing toilet paper wads on the bathroom ceiling at school (ya true story, I have that kid :), and walk into the other room were Leighton is, she'll smile, and the anger is gone.  Her smile just melts me.

-JS