Thursday, April 26, 2012

mommy guilt and things.

We've been spending A LOT of time at the ball field.  I always stay at practice because Leighton loves to be outside.  She gets so happy when she knows she going to be playing outside. 

(these photos are a collaboration between my little bro and me. 
I can't claim them for myself, but I got her to make the smiles).

She giggles so much lately.  It's the best to see her happy smile.  

She still loves her some Blue's Clue's.

Blue, and Steve are always getting kisses.  Lucky's!!!  I think she likes it because Steve and Joe talk to her. Oh and there's a dog, and Leighton loves Dogs.  

She had her 1 year check up, and her doctor is so pleased....well except the fact she is "over weight"  Umm isn't she a baby, and one going into surgery? So why am I supposed to be worrying about that right now?  I want her plump for surgery, it's kind of my goal here!  Especially since you just had informed me they will probably want her in your office for weight check post op! 

She had her first speech therapy appointment, and she actually babbled for her.  It was like she knew she was supposed to show her what she could do. When they come she always bangs her toys together and looks and them like "see me bang toys, good eh?"  she doesn't bang toys much anymore, unless she is playing her xylophone.  It's like she wants them to know she's doing what they want her to do, and they're free to be on there way now.

I don't know how "pleased" her therapist are.  They say she's a rockstar, but when they leave I always have extreme mommy guilt.  Like I'm failing to do what she needs.  I just hate to think about therapy all the time, and now I feel like I always have to be like OHHHH, TAH TAH because mama dada bahbah aren't enough and every time she wants something we need to be signing "you want" and am I saying it "authoritive" enough? Then there's physical therapy, and she's doing all her exercises pretty great just waiting on her to decide to do them on her own, oh and maybe I'm not pushing her enough?  Then am I putting her spoon in her mouth the correct way or am I encouraging her tongue to thrust?  I thought it was awesome she was clapping, and could drink from a straw right on time, she also points and imitates some things (clapping and fake laughing) but it feels like it isn't ever enough.  There's always a new goal, and to be honest therapy kind of sucks because it makes you feel like your a failure as a mother. It's really like 3 hours of why you suck as her parent. Am I the only one who comes away from it feeling like this sometimes?
We'll keep trudging through though because it's important.  I really am thankful for therapy too, and I promise to change my attitude.  It's not that big of a deal really. Just a little venting on the week.  


  1. It is ok to vent-but you want Layton to accomplish all she wants to and that might mean pushing her. DS are not the only kids that have to be pushed. Have you forgotten that they told me you were so shy it would be a handicap. I pushed you to dance because I though it would help with the shyness. I do not consider you shy at all but sometimes I felt guilty when you loved to dance but hated to perform. All moms have guilt and feel like their mothering does not measure up and it has to be worse when you are treading new ground with a DS child. And might I say the most beautiful child -inside and out.

  2. Well, if you are like me, you are falling short, but not drastically so. And I think our kids will be fine anyway. Therapists are like college professors. Each one believes his/her class is the ONLY one you have homework and studying for, even if you are going full time.

  3. I bet you're doing awesome! When is Leighton's surgery? And what kind of camera do you have? I love your pics and I'm wanting a new nice camera! :)

  4. You're a great mom! All of your kids are lucky to have you for a mom!