Friday, January 6, 2012

on a soap box.

*Warning rant a head!
(NOTICE -this photo was not staged for post!)
Has anyone else been noticing an abundance of articles about marriage. Headlines about unconventional marriages, or how it's healthy for Men to cheat, or having a relationships outside of marriage (being "swingers") is really great for your marriage.  Are you kidding me, any of these ideas would surely ruin our happy union? 
I just read one today about how nice it was that her an her husband have separate houses, and how it's the best thing not to have to be annoyed at each other because she's a neat freak, and he's a mild hoarder.   "My husband's girlfriend brought him flowers, and he was still giddy from the encounter" that was one from two days ago. Hmmm your really cool with the fact your husband brings his new girlfriend over to your house?  What is this world coming to? 
The one today about how they live separately really boggles my mind too.  I felt like it was an excuse for them to act like babies.  This way we can stay married, but we don't have to make sacrifices, grow up, or have learn to deal with someone Else's behavior. "We never nag at each other anymore, and if he comes home frustrated from work he can go to his own house."  She was commenting on how healthy it was for her child to never see them upset at each other.  I think actually their child might be pretty messed up by that.  I'm not a marriage expert, but I have been married 11 years.  Yes I get annoyed by the fact he dumps his sock off in the hallway a mere 2 feet from the laundry basket (see picture at top). We disagree about money, how to discipline our kids, and many other things.  Life isn't a fairytale, life isn't fair. Should my hubby hit the laundry basket? Well he is a 34 year old, but I'm also 31 and is it really that life altering if I just pick them up and put them in the basket for him?  Remember it's only 2 feet away, I think I can handle it.  I also think it's healthy for your kids to know that sometimes someones behavior is going to annoy you, but you work it out with each other, not head for your own home.  Do you think next time her kid spills her milk she will ask if she has to get her own house too.  Isn't it good for your kids to know that when they do something bad they wont be cast from your presence. My kids see us disagree, and life isn't perfect but just last night my Son said to my Husband "What are you doing? Trying to look at your hot wife?"  He knows we still love each other, and isn't fazed by the fact I just had gotten mad at his daddy for being late from work, yet again. 
 One spouse isn't always going to be working as hard as the other.  When my husband is getting up at 5:30 to make it to a meeting I may still be snoozing away on the pillow, and when a baby is awake at 4, from a stuffy nose, he might be snoozing. That's just life. No it's not fair.  She thinks marriage needs to adapt to this new society.  Maybe we need to realize life isn't always handed to us on a silver platter.  There have always been the same challenges in every generation.  Temptation to cheat, and being annoyed at our spouse for this, that and the other.  A few generations ago basically zero husbands helped with the rearing of the children.  I don't think marriage needs to adapt to our changing society, maybe we need to adapt back to real marriage. Maybe be a little more tolerant of each other, and learn to have some self control. Come on we have same sex couples fighting for this right. 
I read this a while ago-
Why are we always trying to make our Spouse think like us, act like us, do it just like us.  We married them for thinking like them, acting like them, and doing it just like them.  
 I married Hubby because I loved him, and I still love him.  Sure life would be easier if he was just like me, but then he wouldn't be just like him, and I love just like him a lot.  I repeat that to myself when I putting those black socks in the hamper.  Hey I don't always let things fly bye, but we get over it quick or eventually, and our Son knows we still think the other one's pretty hot. It's called growing up right?
From this...

To this, in just 11 short years, and 3 kids later!
We've been through a lot of happy times, and a lot of stressful times. 
Here's hopping for 11 times 11 more!