refocus...

Isn't December the busiest month for everyone? Everyday I add one more thing to my calendar.  It's already jammed full.  I love all the traditions that we have.  I love how excited my kids get for Christmas morning.  I remember that excited feeling, and you just CAN'T fall asleep. Although I don't always love how early they wake up because I'm tired the rest of the day (especially if we stay up to put some of their gifts together).  I remind myself that they are going to grow up so fast, and when they're teenagers I will probably be dragging them out of bed on Christmas morning.  It's really easy for me to focus on the crowds, the overbooked days, the stress.  I like to remind myself of the fun and wonder my kids feel.  Doing that makes me excited for this crazy busy month instead of dreading it.

Last night we went to the festival of trees.  It's a humbling thing if you look at all the dedications, and the stories behind the trees.  I'm grateful for this moment when my family is all healthy, safe, and happy.  The year didn't start out that way, with Leights.  We had surgery looming, and I was so afraid she wouldn't survive it. I feel like we are a blessed little family right now.

On the way home I read this article and it made me think about so many things. My thoughts and feelings are so much like this writer.  The night of Leightons birth Hubs and I worried about Leights never growing up, and always having to depend on us her whole life. That wasn't something very appealing at the time.  Now I do therapy to help her grow up, and be independent the whole time feeling like she is growing up way to fast, and wanting it to slow down. I think people might not get that I actually find having Leights around to take care of always as something very appealing.  How lucky am I that I will always have a child depend on me? I wont ever have to let all my children go. I know it's healthy for the other two to fly from the nest, but with Leights it's expected I take care of her forever.  I will most likely get to experience being a grandma, and mother in a more mature way while still being the kind of Mom I am now to Leights.  When we had Leighton our outlook on the future shifted dramatically and what we thought our "Golden Years" would be like wasn't going to look the same. Once you get over the selfish thoughts you realize all the positives in what you have been blessed with, and your future will be even better then you planned it should be.

Having my special needs child has changed my outlook on being a Mom. With a child like Leights you realize that your children aren't really an extension of yourself. They aren't who should live out your dreams, do the things you never got to do, and that kind of pressure shouldn't be placed on them.  Who cares if you don't raise a future president or heart surgeon. You still love them to pieces.  Your children are independent people who should get the chance to live out their own dreams. They will turn out as the people they want and should be, not who and what you think they should be.  It may be heartbreaking but they have there own paths to walk. They have their own weaknesses to overcome, and strengths to find and magnify.   I still think we need to teach and help them, but we can't force them to be who they aren't.  She says something like this in her article too, and I'm like YES, that's how I feel now too. 

We have to live in the moment, and especially enjoy it when we are being blessed with health and calm.  I sometimes have a hard time when it's like this. An amazing vacation coming,  healthy kids, a great husband, and maybe a new house...is it the calm before the storm? I hope not! I remind myself I have to refocus my thoughts and live and enjoy these moments. I wish I didn't have to remind myself, but oh well, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

My only pictures this week were on the phone so..

 -JS