Friday, August 12, 2011

A good Parent.

This is really how my film went. 
(Kicking my shoe off, and I did it, yah I did it! Ha I'm so happy!)
(Hmmm do you think Mom will notice? Ha ha I'm so sneaky)
 (LOL cause Mom found out put it back on and tickled me)  
Some of My family and I went and saw the Help a few nights ago.  I loved it, which is amazing since I usually don’t like great books turned into movies.  Anyway go see it ladies.  For some reason I came away from that movie thinking …Why do we become parents? What drives us to become Moms?  The main character’s Mom really wants her to be married, but the daughter isn’t really worried about that. She wants to be a writer.  Then of course the story is about how black women who aren’t even allowed to use the same bathrooms are left completely in charge of the children.  The white ladies really don’t want anything to do with their kids.  I’m not saying this was always the case, but it made me think of those questions, and it made me think I want to be a good parent.   
Having Leighton has changed my perspective as a parent.  There’s no expectations placed on her by me.  Yes we have goals I want her to hit. I’m helping her build the strength to accomplish the normal things like holding her head, sitting, and rolling over. I mean things like Marriage isn’t the only path for happiness, or going to college, or a high paying job.  When I first had her it was so frustrating having people tell me what she was going to be.  She is going to have a serious heart problem!  What? Then I’m thinking…The neonatologist just said he watched the EKG, and he didn’t see any major problems!  So why are you telling me before its been sent to Primary’s that SHE IS GOING TO HAVE THIS just because 50% do, when the results came I thought Huh, she proved you wrong jerk!  I heard She’s going to be deaf, going to be on oxygen at least a year, isn’t going to be able to eat, going to be diabetic.  I have learned I had to take these things as a possible but not a probable.  I wanted to scream DON’T TELL ME WHAT SHE’S GOING TO BE!!  Now maybe people think I’m in denial or need to be prepared, but I don’t want her life to be narrowed to what a person with DS should do and be.  She might get some of these but don’t tell me SHE IS. She can be what makes her happy, I don’t want people telling her what she can and can’t do with her life when she is 4 days old, 3 months old, or 10 years old.  Having her has made me realize that about my other kids as well.  I don’t want to be a parent that has my children to fulfill my needs.  I want my children to be happy.  I want them to find something their passionate about and work at it.  I believe as a parent I need to support my kids in this.  Yes they need to be in school because they need to be able to function, but getting a masters in accounting like their Dad isn’t the only way to make a happy life.  There isn’t only one right way to do things.  Leighton doesn’t have to become a Mom like me or do the things I always wished I had done.  The only thing I want her to do is try her hardest at the things she wants to accomplish; I want her to become her best person.  I want to remember that with the other two as well.  I don’t want them to choose things because I’m pushing them into it or their Dad either.  
 I do find Joy in raising my children, but it’s the feelings I get when I kiss their sleeping heads before I go to sleep.  Knowing they had fun that day, and learned something new.  It wasn’t that big of deal if My Son put laundry detergent in the dishwasher, now it’s cleaned up it was kind of funny, and I did learn it does bust out the sides like the TV shows. Oops, I better stop laughing before he wakes up and thinks he should do it again. It’s the feeling of pride I have when they do something they have been scared of or stand up for things that are right.  I don’t need perfect behaving children, perfectly dressed, showing everyone I’m the perfect Mom.  I need a happy family.  A boy that comes home from baseball practice and says he had the best time in his life and wishing it never had to end.  That messy sweaty boy is one of the best things that have happened to me, and he’s enjoying life, living a real life. 
 It’s my daughter putting on my big high heels and telling me when her foot grows I can give them to her, she wont mind.  Then posing in the mirror like a super model. She makes me laugh and that brought me real happiness.  
 It’s Leighton smiling so huge in her sleep when I move her from her swing to her bed. She knows I’m holding her even in her sleep and my heart fills with love.  I’m so thankful that Leighton has brought these things to my eyes.  My neighbors, friends, and acquaintances positive perception of me will never bring me happiness.  I can choose to be happy and choose the things I like because I like them not to impress anyone else. I can choose the things that are best for my family not because it’s what’s best for other families.  Just like I want my kids to do too.  OK CB I guess I should let you have those skinny jeans you want so bad, even if I think are lame, Sorry Paul!
-JS 

2 comments:

  1. ha ha skinny jeans & boys they love em! :) Good post.

    ReplyDelete